A Note to Nobody

"Deal with it." That's what starts the whole cycle. You tell people about your problems and in turn, they tell you to deal with it. Great, why'd I never think of doing that? This solves all of my problems. Stress is something that pretty much everyone my age faces, but I think that being an IB student qualifies me for the premium membership of stress. Stress is just one of the many things that I face in my day to day life. Another thing is the crushes. Why does my heart wish to go after something that destroys it instead of something that makes it beat? The heart wants what it cannot get and that's what frustrates me because it does not learn from its mistakes and in the end, the same shit happens. I don't blame my heart for the way it is. Part of it being that way is my fault. I let my heart manipulate me into thinking that if I do it just once more, then I'll find love. Every girl I meet makes my heartache and then, my heart breaks. Each day I try to be a better version of myself, but is that the truth or is it just something I say to please my ego? I just keep pushing people away, my family, my friends. Everybody. Might have something to do with my charms.

I don't like the person I have become. It feels as if I'm made of nothing but lies. Everything is a facade, a coverup. I don't want anyone to know the real me because I fear that my actions will scare them away more than they did in the past. It's funny because I have more friends now than I did before. I guess it's mainly because I have changed myself. I would like to say that I don't get affected by what other people think of me but that would be a lie. I do get affected and I try my best to please other people but it's just never enough. People always ask for more, even when they know that you are doing your best. It gets frustrating after some time, but you can't really help it. People never appreciate what you do for them and that's life. It is what it is.

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Mumbai, Maharashtra, India

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