Matters of the heart

Updated: Mar 12, 2020

There are a lot of changes that one undergoes at my age. One of those changes is getting attracted to the other sex, (or the same) but I'm not going to talk about the scientific aspect of it because that's boring. I'll talk about my experience. Hopefully, you find that interesting.

Well, it all starts with the interaction. When we were in the 3rd grade, the teacher made us sit next to girls as a punishment. Little did they know, we didn't mind that. I have liked many people till now and I never had the guts to tell them that I liked them. Every time I had a crush on someone, I always thought she was the only one I will ever love. Love is a confusing concept, well at least for me. I always considered love to be just a word, nothing more. But I never understood that it loves more than a word. It is an emotion. It occurs only when people have feelings for each other, but I on the other hand always thought I loved all my crushes. We have lost the complete meaning of love. I see people in my school saying, "I love you" to their girlfriends and boyfriends but I don't think they mean it. People have taken love casually, it has become a way of life now.

In the 9th grade, I liked a girl and for the first time, I decided to ask her out. I had never done it before and I was extremely new to it. So I just asked her out, point blank, via text. I cannot express how stupid I was. She replied after a few hours. No. She said no. She said she had some work. I thought that she was busy and that's why she couldn't go out with me. I couldn't take the damn hint and I decided to try again, but this time I took some help from my friends. So there were a few people who were dating in my grade and I decided to acquire the knowledge of getting a girlfriend from them. I had asked people who didn't have girlfriends as well cause you to know, why not?

This time I was prepared, I had all the knowledge with me plus I had some of my friends telling me what to text her. So I start texting her because face to face conversation was never my forte and I get replies. It was going well for a few hours but then I got a text from her which said, " Sorry, someone had my phone." My heart dropped. I knew I was screwed and the whole school knew about it. The next day, I became the only thing people would talk about and in all of this unnecessary process, I lost all of the chances of winning her back. She stopped talking to me and to this day we avoid each other, but every once in a while I try to talk to her. The desperateness is high. We don't have Tinder where we swipe right and get someone who likes us back. We need to put a lot of effort and I'll tell you one thing. It is hard as fuck!

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Mumbai, Maharashtra, India